Saturday, September 25, 2010

I am back.

Oh erm, so I keep forgetting what e-mail I am using for this thing.

Anyway, I am back. I haven't really been active since April and I do apologize for that it's just that I have not had much to say and as of lately have been having a hard time expressing myself adequately. I also fear that I am not the most wise, when it comes to blogging and do not sound as insightful as those who are out there blogging who are on the spectrum like I am. I am not going to sound wise all that much, but I do like to write sometimes.

I do hope that you all have been well, I shall be giving a better update later. I am about to go and do something interesting I think.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Smockity apologized!

I am very happy to hear, after reading this yesterday (I wasn't in the mood to make a huge post yesterday, I have been feeling rather tired lately. It's kind of weird.)

I don't really have a lot to say on this subject, but I do want to say that I am happy that she apologized because it shows that she is maturing. I only hope that she learned from her mistakes and that she won't judge a child again. *crosses fingers*

Happy Autism Awareness month! Expect another post later today about it. :)

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

I am applying for a job this week.

Like this title says I believe I will be applying for a job this week, though there is a chance i won't be it all depends.

I have a very hard time getting and applying for jobs because there is only so much I can do without wanting to bash my head in. I have considered applying for disability but from what I hear from other people who live in California, it's very hard to get it when you have Autism because there is a ton of people diagnosed with it and it's very hard to get on it with that condition. I'm not sure if this is true, but I have heard my friend's Mom complain about it, and how hard it was and I really just do not have the energy to apply, then get denied, then apply again with a lawyer to get the benefits. It's just not worth it. Though I know I'm going to have to eventually buckle down and do it if I cannot hold a job at all.

I am thinking of applying at the WalMart down the street from my house, because I can't drive it really limits my ability of jobs and the bus situation is something I would like to avoid because I really hate public transportation. I am going to ask to work 15 hours or less a week, and I'll take minimum wage, I don't mind. The problem is, I don't know what I would apply for.. i guess whatever job has the less interaction with other people, I have done cashiering once before and I really hated it because telling people how much they owed, and then giving htem their change and talking to them frightened me to an extent. I also did not like the fast paced atmosphere, which is what got me in trouble a lot of the time. I am very, very slow when it comes to scanning things, putting things in bags (all perfect too! It's all neat and nice, not messy!), and then putting them in their basket. It was just way too much for me to handle. I am thinking of applying for a door monitor, which basically means i stand by the door say "Welcome to Wal*Mart, have a nice day!" and look at their receit if they have an item not in a bag, and then they are on their way. It's not too difficult and it doesn't really require me to do much.

The one part of applying for a job I hate, is the personality test. Why do I hate it? Because I never understand how to answer the questions, in fact... there are many times where the questions are the exact same but worded differently and I tend to answer differently. My mom will stand next to me, read the question and tell me "OH, this is the same question as .. the one you answered earlier it's just worded differently," and yeah. Basically, for someone like me, I will not catch when a question is the same as a previous one when it is worded differently, because well.. the words are different. It would really help, if they would just ask different questions only. It would make applying a lot easier and I wouldn't have to bring my mom everywhere to help me with it.

The other problem is the interview, I am really bad at interviews. I don't know what to say, and when they ask "Why do you want to work here?" the answer is not to be "So I can get money!"even if it's the truth, they apparently want some long hard well thought out reason as to why you want to work at Wal*Mart that will make you sound all smart or something. But in reality, I just want money. I don't really care about Wal*Mart per se, I just need money.

We'll see how it goes. eep.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Oh the joys of judgmental people.

I don't blog all that often about these kinds of things, I am not very articulate about talking about many things but I am hoping that I can remember to update this blog (I do have a livejournal but that's more personal, and even that can get rather bland.)

Over these last few days, it has come to my attention that there was a blog post by Smockity Frocks on how she wants to jab herself with a pen, or whatever she wants to do with her eyeballs. I can happily say that if she were to do that, which I hope she never does that she would probably permanently damage her eye and I would wish that on no one. However, reading this journal entry that to her was supposed to come off as "funny, humorous," turned out to be rather offensive and alarming to many parents (especially those who have children who are on the spectrum.)

Basically in a nutshell, she talks about how she is at the library with her well behaved, tolerant, and patient! children who are playing on the computers while she is reading the bible (personally I believe she is doing this to make it seem like she's quite Christian like), and I guess at the 'waiting' line for the next open computers a Grandma and a four year old are standing there. The four year old appears to be flapping her arms, telling her Grandma repeatedly that she is being very patient. And apparently she does this for quite awhile, and the Grandma replies that she is in fact being patient. Now, to me that sends up red flags that this four year old could very well be on the Autism Spectrum. Instead of either ignoring the situation, or giving a friendly smile, or even going up to the Grandma to say that her children had just started playing their games and won't be done for awhile. She could have done that, but instead she sits there and watches, judges the child and comes up with reasons as to why the Grandma was wrong and how the child was not patient and was more misbehaved.

The fact that this woman even tried to mock the child, and tried to attempt to make herself sound like a great martyr because she "didn't state her opinion", and that she "was reading her bible," as if that really means anything. She obviously has not gotten to the part of the bible that is about 'compassion' and 'understanding'. Even throughout her comments it was just so disheartening to read people encouraging her and giving her praise for her rude thoughts, and judgmental ways. Then she acts as if ASD isn't really an excuse at all, and some people leave really informative comments and she gets defensive and ends up stopping comments and deleting the entry.

I would also like to point out that I believe that child was patient, and even if the child wasn't Autistic the kid was FOUR. I hate to break people's fingers but four year olds aren't exactly beacon children at times, they can be impatient, they can get easily upset and it's hard for them to be PATIENT. Autistic or Not, cut the kid and Grandparent some slack. Geez.


Let me just state one thing, I am not a parent. I do not have children, but... I can relate to this story. I have Autism, that could have been me at four years old. Heck, this could even be me now.

I have always had a lot of problems when it comes to social cues, and rules. I am not really a 'spoiled' child, and I used to stand in line next to my Mom bouncing up and down with excitement because I was waiting in line!, while waiting my turn without pushing, or pulling on other children. I used to tell my Mom "I am waiting in line! I am not pushing anybody and I am standing right here with my hands to myself! I am not touching anybody!" and my Mom would nod and say yes and I would be very happy with myself. I would go silent for a few minutes, and there would be times were I would get anxious, so I would end up turning in circles for a few minutes, stop and once again repeat my mantra of "I am waiting in line! -- " I would be that kid in the library. My mom said that I used to do this all the time.. at hte movie theater, at the library, at the ice cream parlor, movie rentals, toy stores, you name it.. I would say the exact same thing. My mom said she used to get some judgmental looks, wondering why I would be saying the same thing over and over again.

One time a parent told my Mom to make me shut up because it was annoying to hear me say the same thing, and that I was being loud and rude (despite standing in line.. at a movie theater to get popcorn), and I remember her telling me to lower my voice and that I needed to be quiet cause some people were staring.. yeah I remember I cried and got very upset. I thought I was being bad, and my volume only increased instead of decreased. I didn't understand that what I was doing was bothering other people, I didn't intend on annoying anyone. I just needed reassurance and understanding that I in fact was still learning social rules, and how to behave in certain public areas as a child (well into my years in high school as well, but I learned that if I broke a social rule, that I wasn't bad, but learning.)

No child is going to be perfect, it doesn't matter if they are special needs or not, but staring at a child who is throwing a temper tantrum or a special needs child having a meltdown and judging them is never a good thing to do. It is very hard for a parent (special needs or not) to get looked at in a sour way, and to be told that they need to discipline their child more, I have a hard time putting myself in other people's shoes and I never plan to because I like my own shoes. But, I know that it's a stressful situation for both the parent and child, and to have people whispering behind the parent's back and saying that they are not good parents when they are probably doing the best they can in the situation. No parent is perfect either, they can't predict what will set off a child. Cut a kid some slack. Granted, I know that children will act bratty, but.. they are CHILDREN. They learn how to behave eventually, yes sometimes they need to be punished if they misbehave, but they also need to be praised when they do something right.

I also want to say that what works for one child on the spectrum will not work for another. Each child is not the same.

Autism Awareness Week is coming, time to be understanding and to learn and grow as a person. Tolerance = key.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010


I don't really have anything interesting to say at this point in time, but I thought I would make a post. . so here is my post.

I am not looking forward to the month of April, I never do. That's "Autism Awareness" month which to me is basically "Autistic Generalization, Myths and Stereotypes" month.

Friday, February 5, 2010

Here it is...

This is the beginning of my blog.

I am going to see how this goes, though I will be completely honest and say I am not sure what I should say.

I could give a huge story of my life, but that's boring and pointless so I will give a brief history about myself. Then we can go from there.

I go by nicknames instead of my real name because I don't like it so I won't respond to it. You can call me Mini (because I'm 4'11). I am diagnosed with Autsitic Disorder, considered to be "Moderately-Mildly" affected, I can talk and communicate with others (I have been told I have really good verbal skills, but I have a very hard time expressing myself and communicating with most people unless I have a purpose or am talking about my special interest.. or know the topic.) I also have ADD-inattentive type (whatever it's called at least.), and have a Sensory Disorder. I do not think that Autism is a pretty pink bunny, and I do not think it's the cool thing to have. I do not believe in speaking for other Autistics, because I do not know how they are feeling and I would not know what is best for them.

What I would like is services for adults, and more funding for them and children as well (since some places do not get proper help, causing a lot of problems for families affected by Autism..) I don't have a job, (though I did have one, but make no mistake I would have a meltdown everyday and have serious self-injurious behavior like biting myself.) I have problems, and I need help that I am not getting. I am disabled, and I have no shame in saying that. I cannot understand how people say Autism is not a disability, if it weren't.. then there wouldn't be a NEED for a diagnosis or name or whatever.